how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
