beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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