he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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