"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
