i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Randomize
