I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
