Kareoke will never be a sober sport
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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