conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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