I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
