Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
