Non-Jews are for practice
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
