the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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