it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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