I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
