Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
