I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
