I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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