There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
