It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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