I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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