so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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