Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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