While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
the liver wants what the liver wants
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
