so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
