ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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