either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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