so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
