It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
