Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I need to wash the frat house off of me
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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