What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
