See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I need water and some morals
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
