Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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