I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
