i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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