the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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