i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
