i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
