My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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