I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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