If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
