i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
