HIV tests are more positive than that guy
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
