didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
