My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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