Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
