dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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