the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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