Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
either way he was missing a nipple.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
