Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
