you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
