I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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