Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
You can't special order awesome
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
