Yo dont text me then not text me
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Also, beer. Big fan.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Randomize