I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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