I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
