Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
