Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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