How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
