I met the friendliest cop last night
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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