Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
you never un-have a 4some
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize