Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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