i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
You left your phone here
Wait...
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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