The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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