Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
