The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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