just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
