i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
