It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
