i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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