coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
