i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Let's get the cat blown out
Randomize
