Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i permit you to call me
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
